Love Professed - The 20 Question Test

People (Women, especially) who profess to love me, or "be in love" with me, would do well to answer the following 20 questions about the *real* me. Why I suggest this, is because if what you love about me is based on some fantasy that you have, we're not going to get very far in any kind of committed relationship.

All of the information you need to answer these questions is either available on my blog:

http://thelifewreckblog.blogspot.com/

and/or if I've sent you this test in e-mail, I've already made it clear to you in plain English - and if English is not your cup of tea, we've still got a deep issue to overcome (albeit if only in terms of communication).

Answer the following to the best of your ability (you're welcome to look it up if needed).

If you refuse to respond appropriately to this test, then clearly you do not know me / understand me well enough to "love" me, and your efforts to convince me of same are pointless indeed.

I will not enter a deep relationship (beyond a simple friendship) with anyone who refuses to know the real me - if only to the point of what I'm willing to share publicly.

You are welcome to be as elaborate (lengthy) in your answers as you wish. If you can get close to expressing the reality of who I am (as publicly presented), that is all that counts.

Here we go...

1. What is my significant physical disability/challenge today?


2. What is the most painful aspect of the above disability/challenge? In other words, what bothers me the most about it?


3. (Easy one) How old am I?


4. What is my current marital status (please be very specific)?


5. Why do I appreciate my current marital status as a positive thing?


6. What is most significant about my current financial situation. Again, please be as specific as you can.


7. What is my favorite alcohol beverage (evidence of this is clear on my blog - feel free to look)? [Important! - This has changed recently! - see my comment (this post) as of 10/3/2007]


8. What is my favorite general area of interest (as evidenced by the "Other Sites I Like" section of my blog)?


9. Why do I have a blog? (You can use my own words, expressed clearly there)


10. What city in California, USA, do I work in?


11. What city in California, USA, do I live in?


12. Essay question - Purpose - learning your general attitudes about me, my sense of humor, my oddities, etc.: Why do you think I find the blogs/web sites in the Interesting Blogs/Sites section of my blog "interesting"? (You don't have to actually visit the sites to answer this one well). Please be as thorough as you can with this one - I'm not an easy bird to capture. :)


13. Free question that gets you extra points for real thought (hollow compliments don't work well): If you could use one word to describe my core personality, what word would you use?


14. What's the most usual form of transportation I use? (e.g., to go to work, shopping, etc.)


15. What's the 2nd most usual form of transportation I use?


16. I recently gave up something most people (in the USA anyway) consider a necessity in their lives. What was it?


17. Why did I give up the thing in #16?


18. Do I now regret giving up that thing (#16)? Why or why not?


19. Do I believe in God (omnicient, omnipotent creator of all that is)?


20. Who and/or what is "Tovy"? :)


Thanks for taking my little test (if you did). Please understand; the point of this test is not to put you "on the spot", or judge you in any way. The point of it is that I truly believe that no one can really love me unless they know who I really am. And that is a very complex thing - it doesn't happen overnight, and no, it isn't as easy as reading a blog - but that's a good start, because I'm making every effort to be as real, and open, and honest about all my issues, thoughts, feelings, stupidities, ad nauseum on there.

So take this in the quasi-cynical tone it's meant, enjoy it if you can, and when you decide you're "in love" with someone (whether it be me or not), take my advice, and *slow down*. If you've got time to love, you've got time to love for *real*.

Paul S - AKA LifeWrecked

The Challenge of International Relations

Talk about presidents doing (or not doing, as the case may be) diplomacy. How do you conduct a new friendship (possible "relationship") with someone whose primary (secondary, tertiary...) language isn't English?

Singlesnet is *clearly* an international forum, but then again, profiles are un-verified, so a lot of folks from foreign lands will represent themselves in their profiles as living in various U.S. locations. Case in point: Ghana, Africa (Iowa, USA). Yes, I know - another Ghanan Paul? Africa is the latest hotbed of scams, you know - well, I'll let you know. :)

Trouble with this one is, English is a good trick. I'm learning to keep it very simple, but still, it's hard, and I can't help but be reminded of my deaf days. I identify with my contact - she's struggling to understand me, and respond appropriately, just as I struggle to understand hearing folks when they talk to me a mile a minute. Parallels are everywhere.

Different culture too. Apparently, in Ghana, when a man talks to a woman, that's it - they might as well get hitched next week. :) Needless to say, I'm keeping very tight boundaries on this one. ;)

Pleasant thing, in many ways, ;), but very young for me, in more ways than one. I'm in the mode of "friend for far away oppressed, lonely person who's needing outside contact so she can muster up the courage to take the reigns of her own life." I can be that, and that only, no problem.

The language thing is a doozie though. Same for all of us. I am what I fear. How about that?

Collateral in the Dirt Wars - The Attack of the Leaf Blowers

This morning while walking to catch my connecting bus in downtown Sacramento, I was given the all to familiar opportunity to enjoy a "dust bath" - two gentlemen armed with high-power leaf blowers were kicking up a literal dust storm on the sidewalk. Though when they saw me coming, they did throttle-down and lower their weapons, it was far too late. With the air being relatively calm, the menacing cloud of grit enveloped me as I did my best to hold my breath while accelerating my pace and attempting (hopelessly) to shield my eyes.

Later, on the bus, after my eyes stopped watering, I pondered yet again the unanswered question that has plagued me ever since I started my "bus walks" as I like to call them. The question, in its simplest form: Who's dirt is it anyway?

Here's the deal - the sidewalk is dirty, I get that part. So blow the dust out into the street. Now the street is dirty (the sidewalk on the other side, too). Here come cars and trucks and buses, (other people's leaf blowers...) Wind. Now the sidewalk is dirty again. If I ever want a career with perfect, eternal job security, I think my search is over.

All I really want to know - and I do encourage comments on this one - am I the only one who thinks this method of "sidewalk maintenance" is nuts? I know they're doing it this way (probably) because there's an ordinance against doing it with water (air vs. water, hmmm... breathe vs. drink... hmmm....)

Ah, the things life begs us to ponder...

Sad is Not Depressed - What is Love?

The Problem.
The Gift?
I see it and know it.
Everywhere.
Everyone.
Yes, woman compels.
But man is there too.
Sad - I know. I know.
I know so much.
Silence.
A shroud.
Presidents.
Yes, Presidents.
Decisions.
Alone.
Sad.
Bag Lady.
Negotiates.
Succeeds!
Sad.
Pinch my fingers tightly.
I'm just that far today.
Again, I do.
Nothing else.
What to do?
Nothing.
Built-in.
Sad.
Lively teen.
High on life.
Talking for it's own sake.
Lonely teen.
Listens, nods.
Grateful there's contact.
What a bus ride.
Watching.
If only you knew.
What?
Barriers.
Sad.
We will know We.
Or know nothing.
Sad?
And my friend in Accra.
Speaks English, almost.
What a beauty.
And so distant.
I go deaf.
She goes clueless.
Online.
Sad.

Not depressed.
Just Sad.

Dangerous World - Life in the Singles Lane

Scammers are everywhere. Funny. The last place I would've thought to beware of a money con probably should have been the first place. Lonely singles, seeking their "other" on Singlesnet. The good news - I'm 48, and if you've read my other posts here, you know, I've been around the block and back again. I didn't get burned. But holy s**t, did I come close - and I worry for the next mark.

"all_about_love" was the screen name. Should have been "all_about_your_money". Sweet thing, theoretically female (I really don't know - can't know online), mom and dad both died early, all alone in "ghana" (Africa, for the geographically challenged). Understands my current plight completely (but honey, look at my blog, look at my blog, look at my blog - thank God, "she" apparently didn't, and didn't capture my e-mail address either).

Next day (YM chat) "she's" waiting. Been up all night, thinking about "something I want to discuss with you". Really? Gosh, one chat. When women want to have a "discussion," it's
usually serious. Uh, we ain't serious yet. :*)

Do tell. "You promised you would do absolutely anything to help me, right?"

Uh, [*really*], uh, no! Think... You must have been talking to someone else, but of course, I'm friendly, so if am *able* to help you with something, I'll surely try!

Now I can't even fully relate the rest of the "story"... It's so convoluted - but the upshot is that girlfriend needs up to $1300 in *cash* (US$) to secure $190,000 that *I* (theoretically) would get to manage, and "why don't you tell me how much can you help me with?"

Mind you, I've chatted with this person *once* before. We're already asking for money. This relationship is going well. :*) Anybody besides me smell a rat?

I called girlfriend's hand. I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say that there was nothing left to say ("she" got very silent in a hurry).

YM Friends List: all_about_love removed. Yahoo mail: removed. Interestingly, all_about_love Singlesnet: member does not exist. Naturally. I actually liked "her" after the 1st chat. That's how close it came.

Good thing I'm essentially broke anyway (one of the things I mentioned when I called the game - "...I'm not a good mark, honey").

Scammers are everywhere. Be careful people. They play on your weakness. Think you don't have one? Good luck to you.

-LifeWrecked

Blessed When I Hear You, Blessed When I Don't

It occurred to me, when e-mailing a friend the other day, that I haven't yet posted on my blog my "hearing history" - how I came to be a HOH/Late Deafened and sometimes dizzy spin guru.

I've always had some trouble with my right ear, since I was a young child (about 9 or 10). It developed a lot of tinnitus (ringing), and progressively became almost useless for hearing. Nobody back then knew what it was; my doctor just called it "early deafness".

The good news then, of course, was I had one perfectly good ear, so although the tinnitus was maddening (I eventually learned to ignore it), I wasn't seriously impaired, and had no problems communicating.
This situation lasted most of my adult life, until December 2005, when I started having periodic severe dizzy spells (not faintness, dizzy like if you just got off the tilt-a-whirl ride). I eventually saw an ENT doc (ear, nose throat specialist), who listened to my history and my current symptoms, and said "You have a classic case of Meniere's syndrome."

Huh? (never heard of it before) Well the long and short of it is it's an inner ear fluid imbalance (as far as they know), and the prognosis is periodic bouts of declining hearing, eventually leading to functional deafness in many cases. The dizzies are also related to the fluid imbalance (since the gizmo that keeps you upright is part of the inner ear).

The good news is that the doctor has managed to bring my dizzies under control fairly well with a diuretic (water pill) that he says I'll probably need to be on all my life.

The hearing in my left ear is a different story, and for the last couple years, it's been declining in waves of bad days and good days, with the bad days slowly eating away the quality of the good days. I'm not using a hearing aid yet, but I do sometimes need an assistive listening device (a little hand-held amplifier with earbuds), and I also use an amplified phone both at home and at work.

On my worst days, even the amplifiers don't work for me, so I feel really blessed that I live in an age of alternative communications - e-mail, instant messaging, cell phone text messaging, chat services, and voice-relay services where an operator translates typed text to voice & vice-versa for phone calls.

I also feel blessed because my dizzies (even though under better control, they still occur from time to time) eventually brought me to the decision to surrender the car keys for good. I no longer drive - and yes, Virginia, it's a blessing! [Side note: Plan on being likewise blessed in the not too distant future - the madness can't continue forever.]

Not driving means: 1) I never get high blood pressure from a traffic jam. 2) I can get anywhere I need to be from anywhere I am because I *had* to learn how. Need makes for quick learning. 3) I never feel "hopelessly stuck" anymore (because my car broke down, or whatever), owing to #2. 4) If you add up your car payments, insurance, gas, license, and repair bills, I'm sure I don't have to tell you how much better my cash-flow situation has gotten (mega-debt not withstanding). 5) Though I'm no athletic prize winner, and God help you find my pecks or gluts :), I have a lot more stamina these days because I do lots of healthy *walking*.

Real blessings can come in funny looking packages.

- LifeWrecked

Begging - Starbucks Style, and Other Musings

Nearly every weekday, these days, I visit a Starbucks in downtown Sacramento, while waiting for the commuter bus that takes me back home to Stoctkon. I do this not because I'm particularly enthralled with the place, but in the summertime, especially, it's a wonderful 20-25 minute hangout because they have *the best* air conditioning in the city. I almost always order the same thing (so much so that the barristas often start making it the minute they see me walk in the door) - a decaf iced latte ("tall" the small one) - all of $2.65 plus a tip because of the aforementioned clairvoyant service. :) I consider it the rental fee for 20-25 minutes of air-conditioned bliss - particularly when it's 95-102 outside.

So there I am, today, at my favorite table (closest one to the A/C vent), and I wouldn't mention this, but it's actually the *second time* it's happened to me in less than a week. A person who's clearly had a rough life walks up to me, (today, forced to negotiate my "rain but near monsoon" hearing weather), and asks me if I COULD BUY THEM A COFFEE. I kid you not. Begging has reached new heights of optimism. No longer are folks just begging for "food", oh no, now it's a Starbucks coffee - the most expensive cup of Joe on the planet. No dumb bunnies here!

Now, I'll tell you the truth - even though I had to make this poor guy work for it, I dismissed him. It's not that I'm not compassionate, and that I don't care, and it's not that I just couldn't do it either (he did get a pretty lady to take care of it for him mere seconds later). It's just that, well, folks, c'mon, it's ***Starbucks***. It's yuppie heaven. Nobody who cares about saving a buck or two goes to ***Starbucks***, do they? Well, I guess I stand corrected (twice! it was an old lady the other day). Apparently, that's the latest thing to go begging for. ***Starbucks***. Sorry, it just throws me. I'm used to giving dollar bills to the guys that ask could I help them out with change at the bus stop. I'm not used to financing a beggar's high-end caffeine addiction (even though I know where my buck at the bus stop is likely going). Ok, off the stump, Paul. :)

In other news, last night I did something totally foolish and out of character for me - I signed up (and it ain't free, either) as a member of Singlesnet.com. What do they say about the luck of fools? It wasn't 10 minutes, and I hit the profile of 41 and "hard of hearing" (and incidentally, drop-dead gorgeous - but don't worry, that's only incidental). Several e-mail exchanges and an evening YM chat later, and I've got yet another new friend. Romance, who knows? I always make a point these days to let it be known that yes, I'm an incurable romantic, but that I'm much more circumspect with my distribution of same these days. Friends first, that's' my motto now. :) Worst thing that can happen is I end up with lots of friends. Horrible thought, ain't it? :)

I couldn't wrap up a post tonight without making a statement of sorrowful disgust at the plight (in recent news) of one Megan, a young woman who was brutalized beyond belief by a cadre of evil monsters, apparently as punishment for the "crime" of being born black. Talk about a wrecked life. I stand blessed and painfully aghast. Make no mistake people. If we, collectively, hold anything but outrage against this evil, it will surely consume us all. My prayers (and I don't pray easy, truth be told) are with Megan, her family and friends. Let her somehow find peace and strength beyond the painful madness she endured. It could have been any one of us, or our children. It will be, if we remain complacent.

If you don't yet know the story, it's easy enough to find on the net.

Yours in a mix of humility and and blessings, perspective appropriately adjusted...

-LifeWrecked

As Barriers Crumble, Friendship Thrives

(Another Advantage of a Wrecked Life)

Strange. You would think having your life wrecked would be isolating; depressing, lonely. You'd be right at one level - when I choose to sit squarely on my pity-pot, it's as lonely as you might imagine. The good news is I've never been one to sit on a pity-pot for long.

By nature, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool introvert. http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch?r
This doesn't mean, BTW, that I'm shy. People sometimes confuse the two personality traits; they actually aren't related. Introversion simply means I focus my ego on myself, and how my behaviors affect others (and hence, how they react to me). Extroverts tend to be focused on the world (and people) outside themselves, and if folks react to them badly, they assume the problem resides in those folks (rather than themselves - which may very well be true).

One of the wildest (to me) advantages of my wrecked-life situation is that I have become willing to just "spill the beans" as it were, to anybody who's patient enough to listen (hence this blog). As a "consequence", it turns out I'm making new (and some quite deep!) friendships at a (relatively) prodigious rate, compared to earlier times when my life was "hunky dory".

Why? My hypotheses are that a) Everybody has "issues" of some sort or another; b) Most people deeply appreciate honesty (e.g, "spilling the beans") because it entails "trust given" and hence reciprocity (in trust) is easier and safer. Also, of course, there's my changed attitude which lets me trust - I sense that I have little (left) to lose in the "transaction"; It's just easier to let it go, and if people run away, so be it - but some stay, and then mutual trust and friendship happen almost like magic.

So, am I recommending that you go and get yourself a Wrecked Life so you can have "little (left) to lose..." and therefore gain lots of wonderful new friendships? Nope. I strongly suspect there's a shortcut. :*) It's called *risk*, and it's scary, for sure, but it pays big dividends when it works (and at least half the time, it does work!)

Stepping out to the broader sense, methinks a willingness in people (in general) to risk and trust is going to soon be essential to our survival as a species (maybe even the whole biosphere). I'm not a doom and gloom prophet, but bad things are happening to our freedoms, our country, our planet. We're going to need to be really good at *listening* (funny - I'm pretty much deaf these days, but you know what I mean) to each other, and responding with compassion. My personal wreck is but a metaphor for the wreck we, together, may become, if we don't come together on the important issues. 'Nuff said. Weird - I actually care.

- LifeWrecked

City Bus Riders' Code of Ethics

Based on actual observations

by LifeWrecked

1. Be respectful of the homeless - the bench you're sitting on may be their bed.

2. If, while waiting at a bus stop, someone comes along and asks you if bus #(n) (not yours) has gone by yet, be kind to them and tell them you just got there (whether you did or not), and you haven't seen it (whether you have or not). It isn't polite to dash people's hopes with reality (whether you know what that is or not). Besides, their bus will probably show up before yours anyway (see Murphy's Bus Law below).

3. Avoid laughing at the passenger who just got on the bus wearing clown hair (pink, green, chartreuse, or various combinations thereof). Remember that everyone is born with some genetic defect, whether obvious or not.

4. Always be polite to your bus driver. After all, you're riding the bus because it's your last hope. They're probably driving it for the same reason. You can't have too many friends with wheels when you're living on the cheap.

5. Bus drivers really like surprises, so be sure to wait until the bus is five feet from your stop to ring the stop bell. The rest of the passengers will also appreciate the opportunity to re-organize their carry on stuff (purses, grocery bags, etc.)

6. Lose the fantasy that your bus driver is a mechanic, rocket-scientist, chief-of-police, sanitation engineer (garbage-collector), or priest. See #4 above. Why would they be driving you around if any of those things were true?

Useful Definitions

1. Bussneck (bus' nek): A tendency for one's neck to be twisted left (and difficulty looking right). Caused by constantly looking left hoping that the bus is coming. Note that this condition may be reversed in some countries.

2. Optimistic: The person who gets on the bus and has to rummage around in their pocket/purse for the fare. Also refers to the person who attempts to negotiate the fare with the driver.

3. Tanning Salon: A "bare" bus stop - no bench, no overhang, no shade/protection of any kind. See also: Automatic People Wash.

4. Busspass (bus pas'): What happens if you don't move fast enough or look desperate enough when the bus is coming.

5. Door of Hope (2-door buses only): At your destination stop; the door the really slow moving person isn't headed for. Note that at your boarding stop, this door does not exist.

6. MyBizizYourBiz: The bus rider who likes to use their "walkie-talkie" cell phone (nice and loud) so everyone can enjoy both sides of their personal conversation.

7. Out of Service: Full. Alt: (driver) avoiding un-desirable clientele.

8. On Time: Any time no earlier than 1 minute before scheduled arrival. No limit on time after scheduled arrival.

9. Self-entertaining: The crazy/loaded person who has determined that you alone, among all 10 or 12 people waiting for the bus, "understand".

10. Groucho Marx: The guy at the bus stop who asks you for a light (and you don't smoke), when there's another person standing three feet away from you, smoking. When you tell him no, he approaches that other person, asks for a light, and then asks for a cigarette.

11. Gag Factor: The likelihood of multi-passenger asphyxiation due to someone boarding the bus with extra strong perfume/cologne/aftershave.

12. 4-Alarm Bathing Emergency: When a passenger who clearly hasn't bathed in a month boards the bus. Often this will prompt the driver (thankfully) to drive with the doors open (if the doors aren't interlocked). If not, walking begins to look like a viable option if it isn't more than a couple miles to your destination.

13. Murphy's Bus Law: When you arrive at your boarding stop, your bus will be the last one of those of all the passengers who are waiting (or who arrive in the 10 minute period after you) to show up. This is irrespective of any published bus schedule.

14. BegWitchery: A female beggar (or a male, if you're female, or, - well never mind...) who is clearly a) more affluent then you, b) so young and good looking you can't bear the thought of the word "no", c) only needs a quarter to ride a $2.00 bus, and d) apparently isn't catching said bus at your stop.

15. DontKnowButThinkImGlad: At the bus station, waiting in the bus for the driver to get back from coffee break. There's a young man in front of you who is looking around apprehensively, as if searching for someone (or hiding there from). About 5 minutes later, he gets up, peers out the window with a terrified look, and bolts off the bus, never to return.

16. WishMyLifeWereThatEasy: Similar scenario at bus station, only this time it's a lady who looks cool as a cucumber. She waits for the driver to get back, calmly gets up, walks off the bus, and boards the bus right next to it.

17. Murphy's Bus Law Corollary #1: Rain causes the bus to move slower due to water resistance (think of swimming). Failure to carry an umbrella amplifies this effect.

18. Murphy's Bus Law Corollary #2: If you are one minute late at your boarding stop, the effect noted in Corollary #1 is reversed - rain causes lubrication of the bus through air, and will result in the bus leaving your stop exactly on time.

19. The Rule of Enlightened Self-Preservation: If the bus driver of the bus going in the opposite direction of your destination (other side of the street) waves you to get on THEIR bus, dodge the cars if you must, and DO IT. Trust me on this one. :)

20. Route and Schedule Expert: Your bus driver. The crankier they are, the better. See Code of Ethics #4, and The Rule of Enlightened Self-Preservation above. Trust no one else.

Hearing Weather, and the Mystery Fate of the Insane

My "hearing weather" today is what I call a Monsoon. Here's a key for easy reference:

Fair - I can hear you easily!

Partly Cloudy - A little tricky, but still pretty good.

Overcast - Be sure to face me and stand close.

Rain - This will be a challenge - you'll be repeating yourself.

Monsoon - Use e-mail or other non-voice methods unless you want me to drive you nuts. :)

Utterly Hopeless - Forget it - I have no speech recognition unaided.

Yesterday varied between Overcast and Rain - a pretty good day, really. Spent a single planned vacation day with a good friend kicking around Old Sacramento, museums and such. Mild weather and couldn't have been happier...

Until...

Crazy, round 402, set 10, post-game goal-line skirmish.

It's 8:30 p.m., (at home) phone rings.

I see on the CID it's the STBX ("Soon to be Ex-spouse").

It's only Overcast, so talking is possible.

STBX: "You e-mailed Crystal (my granddaughter) and you're not supposed to contact her!" (this per Crystal's dad while divorce is pending, and I've honored his wishes - meaning the premise presented in this opening gambit is false).

ME: [Far too many pointless references to reality to matter, then] Final statement: "I have not e-mailed Crystal nor contacted her in any way. Goodbye."

[I Hang up]

3 minutes later...

Phone rings (guess who?)

I don't answer.

The answering machine is off because the thing has lost its digital mind (I need a new one :).

For the next 15 minutes, STBX keeps ringing. I am setting a boundary here, I am setting a boundary here, I am setting...

[I turn off the ringer]

[STBX keeps phone line busy off and on ringing for the next 2 hours, as evidenced this morning on my CID box]

My philosophical query of the universe in general is along the following lines.

I am keenly aware now (have been, for awhile, actually), that my STBX is beyond neurotic, but actually insane, quite possibly in a literal, clinical sense. Part of the explanation of the nonsense above is likely due to her mis-understanding of third-party derived information - I had been communicating, e-mail & otherwise with Crystal's mom, and also (other) my STBX's daughter; during said conversations I had mentioned a *desire* to see/communicate with my granddaughter, but nothing of the sort has occurred. Knowing my STBX as I do, this information was likely passed on to her and, as routinely occurs, she leapt to conclusions without understanding facts, and once having leapt, there's no backtracking to reality.

The insanity of the ensuing behavior, however, is the compelling point here.

When someone doesn't want to speak to me, and makes it clear by hanging up the phone with "Goodbye", I make the reasonable assumption that a) they're being truthful about their wishes, and b) that they have a perfect right to have their wishes in that regard fulfilled expeditiously. In my belief, that is one aspect of the elusive condition we collectively call "sanity" - the ability to appreciate and honor another person's boundaries, whether I agree with them or not, and regardless of how I feel. Not the case for my STBX. Certainly not this time.

Depressingly ruminating on this situation today, I began wondering if it's possible that I actually have a social responsibility here that I'm not dealing with correctly. Even though I don't know *exactly* what started this latest nonsense (above analysis is bold conjecture, with knowledge only of my own actions), I do know enough to understand that this woman (STBX) is seriously "bent". The question is, how far "bent" can a person be (along with various addictions including "rage") before they'll do actual damage to themselves or others? My own safety comes to mind, not without prior justification; the safety of others comes to mind as well.

It isn't the fault of my STBX that she's nuts (it's not mine either), but that doesn't mean that I or anyone should have to tolerate abusive or dangerous behaviors. So right now, (all is quiet this morning), I'm in a holding pattern. Everything wise in me says "wait", "hands off the situation", "it's not your problem". I think for now I'll listen to the wise mind. :-)

-LifeWrecked

Advantages of having a Wrecked Life

Believe it or not, there are several advantages to having your life wrecked (at least in the manner described in the prior post). Though some of them may sound cynical, they actually are real, and tangible, at least in the near term. [Please note that the enumeration below is simply for the reader's (sic) ease, and has no relationship to the enumeration in the prior post. Some are more generalized than others, but then, that's how it goes when you're a victim of my blog persona. Deal with it.]

1. That which doesn't kill me *really does* make me stronger - I know, it's a tired old saying that "Christians", especially, like to bandy about until it carries next to no meaning; life really does work that way. Mind you, the word "stronger" does not imply that 5 minutes from now you won't keel over dead from a myocardial infarction. It only means that in the 4:59 between now and then you'll get to enjoy a more solid sense of self respect and personal meaning, since having difficult or unlikely successes in compensation for your efforts is key to what most people would define as happiness. "BUT WAIT A MINUTE", I hear you thinking - how can a "Wrecked Life" have things in it like "success" or "happiness"? Read on, grasshopper.

2. Having your Vicodin/Crack/Alcohol/Rage-addicted wife decide that she can't stand YOUR sneakiness, miserism, and temperamental episodes; let's face it - that ain't *all* bad, when she finally follows through. The operative word here, folks, is *peace*. Waaaayyy more peace in the last few months than I've known in the last 10 years.

3. A lot of people get their houses knocked down by hurricanes, but for most of them, it only happens once (we're assuming survival here). Part of the reason has to do with #1 above, but there's more. Experiencing the worst stuff you could never in a million years imagine a)happening to you, b)doing, c)surviving means you aren't any longer operating on platitudes and un-tested theories about (hurricanes) life (whatever domain). I frequently tell people I don't regret for a minute *any* of the 10 years I spent in my (marriage) relationship. And I'm not kidding. Today I am oh, so much wiser, and I don't plan on building any more houses in the Florida Cayes - for *any* reason.

There's more, and I'm sure I'll think of them eventually. Blogs are fun.
-LifeWrecked

How to Wreck a Life - 10 Easy Steps

1. Fall in Love.
2. Get Married or ceremoniously attached (helps if you marry/ceremoniously attach to the person specified in #1).
3. Become a functional doormat. Just say "yes".
4. Run up a $50,000 + debt in an attempt to placate/support said person with cruises, hotels in the Bahamas, paying medical bills, and supplying funding for various habits like crack coccaine and alcohol.
5. Ditch your whole-life insurance policy to finance #4 above.
6. Sell off any additional assets you may own ala #4 above.
7. Watch patiently as person specified in #1 pawns and ditches your memories (some worth siginficant $) to support specified habits in #4 above.
8. Negledct to report disability paymets for person specified in #1 to IRS and CA Franchise Tax Board because "disability isn't taxable, silly".
9. Creditor phone calls: Ignore, Ignore, Ignore... (ignore, ignore - they actually do stop calling after awhile!)
10. Wait for person specified in #1 to file for divorce. Plan on having the opportunity to pay for their filing/court cost.