Loneliness Is: HOH

I stated in the last blog post that I drink to kill the intellect. While that's certainly true, there's yet another reason that matters.

The loneliness of being hard of hearing (HOH) is probably another big driver of my "situation".

The thing is, though I can still do a one on one, face to face conversation fairly well. I just can't do groups.

Now perhaps you think this is a minor thing, a blip in the radar. But if you think that - you're wrong.

We are a social species. Both our survival and our thriving are related to how we manage our relationships with our "local" peers. I parenthesise local because we can now, indeed, have peers across the globe, thanks to the Internet.

Yesterday, I had an actual JOB REQUIREMENT, to attend a minor league baseball game (Sacramento Rivercats (home team) vs. Memphis Redbirds)

A "Team building exercise" it was called.

And build it did - no question, so don't consider my words here a disparagement of the event - it was a fun afternoon, for all, including me.

When you're HOH (hard of hearing) things work out a little different.

I'm in the situation where if I can face a person directly, read their lips a bit, and get them to talk slow, I can understand them - but a group conversation is impossible for me.

As it turns out, the group socialization is probably more important to the individual psyche than most one-on-one interactions (perhaps the exception is the "significant other").

I can't begin to express to you the isolation (loneliness) I felt (again, as usual) in this group of about 9 people, as I couldn't comprehend more than about 20% of the "chatter" among the group. Should I laugh when everyone else laughs? I chose not to. I've grown to loathe "faking it".

The loneliest moments in my life are when I'm in a group of people chattering away. I don't have a clue. I don't have a hope of comprehending. I'm the outsider. I'm the one probably a lot of people consider "standoffish" because I don't respond. I can't respond. Not appropriately.

OK, so it's existential bitching. Well, welcome to my blog - where existential bitching is the norm. It's my blog, so I'll bitch when I want. ;)

Next time you encounter an HOH person, may these words burn in your memory, and may you treat them as you would treat a beloved friend. That's all.

Paul S (AKA - LifeWrecked)