Guest Post: Diogenes - The Wire (response)

A perfect description of the male "wire" and right on target as far as how men function. Some have minds capable of short circuiting that wire, some have strong value systems that play a part in that... but ALL are susceptible to lapses... in values, in standards, in mental acuity... call it "biological nature calling" that creates the short circuit. That's fine with me because it is the reality of life.

Now here's a reality from the female side (or the gay male side if that's your cup of tea). Any women has the capability of clicking the switch that creates that short circuit. And though they may not SCORE the one that they want, they can get satisfaction in knowing that at least for a split second they were able to put any man in a lapse condition. (Heterosexual males are especially unglued when a gay male knows how to push that switch and give him even for a second the thought that he MIGHT.... )

Now if you are a thinking man, you say but you have STANDARDS and you'd never get led down the thorny path by an old, wrinkled, fat, stupid, ugly, dirty, nasty, nagging,... whatever the words are... woman! And I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. The techniques of seduction of males are as old as history itself.... and the moaning of pleasured men! First comes an all consuming over one minute eye contact... where the male sees into the lusty soul of the female and knows she wants him lock stock and barrel. That's when he forgets to look any place but in her eyes as he sees his pleasure there. Then a simple lip licking will start the man's weighing his values against his pleasure. The intimate touch, even so simple as touching a hand when a cigarette is lighted... can start a man drooling! And the scent of sex on the fingers waved under the nose and a nibble on the ear... and a goodly number of men even forget they have a name!

A woman has a wire too... one that says make babies and get the best man you can for that. Strongest genetically and financially as you'll need help raising those kids. So most young females are very careful in using their powers to only go for a male that they feel will fulfill their destiny's needs.

The interesting part of the sexuality of humans is when the female is past the age of seeing sex as a procreation thing. Men are wired to be the sperm producer for procreation... and have their strength and drive early with a decrease every decade. However women are "cross wires"... as young women they have a flat minimal response rate. Then about age 40 their sexual drive increases dramatically and they can enjoy sex as great pleasure! At mid life a man best be very careful or he'll find himself worn out at a young age by having to tend and support a brood of kids. While a woman who has raised her children and has become financially independent is able to attract an increasing number of very grateful males of all ages.

Viva la Cross Wires! LOL

My friend, Tinnitus

I'd like to introduce you all to one of my faithful friends, Tinnitus, or "Tinny" as I like to call him these days. Tinny has been at my side (right, that is) for about 40 years now.

In more recent times, Tinny's been expanding both his venue and his sonic repertoire - he now visits my left side often (while maintaining his vigilant guard of the right), and serenades me with both classical and modern musical compositions, overlaid on the steady "test tone" he's provided for me all these years.

Tinny's repertoire these days isn't limited to simple tones and music either. One of his favorite ways to entertain me on the left side is by challenging me to guess whether I'm hearing:

a) A refrigerator
b) A fan/ventilation system
c) A somewhat distant tractor
d) Muffled voices in another room
e) All of the above at once

Tinny is not generally an early riser, like I am, so usually I have to wait a few hours after waking until he starts his floor show. This I don't mind, since I know I can count on an entertaining day with my friend, and it's always fun trying to guess what "style" he'll use today. Of course, I can always stir Tinny from his slumber by exposing us to loud environments like a bus ride or a bowling alley. Then, being the good friend he is, he'll put extra effort (and volume) into doing his job well. He can also be roused by having an ENT poke around in my ear(s). Who wouldn't wake up if someone was rattling and banging in your bedroom?

One of the most interesting things about Tinny is that he accepts (musical) requests (when he's playing music). Sometimes, I must admit, I find his compositions rather droll - some of his favorites are endlessly repeating two, three, or five tone sequences. I've found that when I've had quite enough of a certain ditty, Tinny will take the hint, and accept my suggestions - with a little prodding. Fortunately for me, I have a vivid musical imagination, so I can "play" the melody in my head and Tinny will soon get the idea and start following along. It takes a little encouragement sometimes, but once he gets it, he'll be happy to play the song unbidden for many minutes, and sometimes even for hours.

Needless to say, it's not always chocolate and roses. Life with a professional noisemaker can be trying at times, particularly when I'd like to sleep, and as mentioned, Tinny keeps somewhat different hours than me. If he's feeling musical in the late evening, that doesn't really bother me much, as I'm musically inclined anyway - and I can often have my choice, as mentioned above.

However, if Tinny is feeling more "noisy" and less musical, and decides to try the guessing game (a-e above), sleeping can become a challenge. Good drugs (all legal, don't worry) are essential at these times.

Last night Tinny was on his mark with the noises, and while waiting for my 1-2-3-sleep combo to take effect, I'm ashamed to admit that I actually said this prayer:

Dear God, please give me nothing! I'll take totally deaf - I'll deal with it, whatever I have to do! Just give me some silent peace!

Well I don't know if God takes these sorts of prayers seriously, but I suppose I'll find out eventually. Meanwhile, it's me and Tinny, working out how to live together in "harmony".

Thanks for listening.

If you have a tinnitus story to share, please do feel free to comment!

LifeWrecked - out.

ICA: Times Change, Things End (sigh)

It would appear that your Deacon has been abandoned here in the slumlands of central California! No more does http://worshipalcohol.com bring us the joy of learning and worshipping our beloved Stella Artois online! We are quite saddened by this recent discovery, but know that all is not lost! For though we may be scattered, our Holy Beverage Maker is not! Still in pubs and shops nearly everywhere, you can acquire sufficient quantities of Thy Holy Beverage so that you may remain an 'alshipper' in both flesh and spirt, in full communion with "God". You are hereby encouraged to lift a pint often to Thy Holy Beverage Maker, in honor of our departed Church, always remembering to recite the ICA sign of faith:

In the name of the Stella, and the Smirnoff, and the WKD, Beer bless you all!

The Feng Shui Experience

OK, so every now and then I get the urge to blog, and it only happens, well, every now and then. :)

This coming weekend, I'll have a quite welcome guest in my house - my eldest sister, who may not know it, but she's been a guiding light to my mind and spirit. This is a special mission she's on - she's going to help me (begin) to "Feng Shui" the natural disaster of a triplex appartment I live in. It's a disaster for reasons you might guess from my earliest posts (it was our - my STBX and I - "living" quarters).

Now mind you, about Feng Shui, I know nada (in case you are in the same boat, here's a Wikipedia link for it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feng_Shui) - and no, I haven't read the whole thing, because there's quite a bit to it!

You may wonder (I sure would) how I, Mr. Skeptica Ecclectia would go in for something as mystically based as Feng Shui, and I'll explain it to you easy: I like how it looks! The most fundamental principle in it involves "eliminating clutter" - and gawd, I should show you the pictures here (of my clutter)! So any philosophy that says reduce, clear, clean, lighten, and minimize, is OK in my book! Do I buy all the philosophical/mystical arguments? I don't *care* about all the philosophical/mystical arguments if this place can be made livable again! They can be true, they can be nonsense, but I'm the sort who will happily accept whatever works better than what I'm doing now. And I've seen the results of applying the Feng Shui principles to a living environment, and my beloved Committee for Skeptical Inquiry slap me silly, I *love* those results!

So Feng Shui it will be, and no doubt I'll become the guru of it eventually. :) I do think I'll put the "before" (I already took those in detail, as my sister needed them to get a "lay of the land") and "after" pics on this blog in a future post - so stay tuned!

LifeWrecked - out.

A Taxi in My Back Pocket

I decided yesterday to give the Jolly Yellow Giant (Yellow Cab) another try, and be doggedly persistent in telling them what's up and demanding service - this to get to my local CTAP office to get certified (Yes!!!) for a CapTel phone. The optimism was based on the fact that no standing appointment is needed at the CTAP office, so I wasn't time pressed (good thing, too - take a number). (CTAP is California Telephone Access Program).

As I expected, the first driver got lost seeking my tricky to find work location. I could see the cab wandering semi-aimlessly a distance from my waiting point, but they couldn't see me - people are smaller than cabs, and not bright yellow either. So deaf as I was, I called Yellow on my cell, and informed them that their driver was lost, and that I really need this ride, so don't let them give up!

Apparently, they sent a different cab driven by a lady who actually lives near the business park where I work (my starting point). She found me quickly, no problem (though some confusion with parking lot traffic so I had to chase her a little). Though I informed her I was HOH, she wanted to chat anyway, and worked patiently to do so - was interested in my hearing loss and related to the dizzies because she'd had an episode herself that went away on its own. Naturally, I gave her a good tip, and she gave me her receipt card with her cell number - something many drivers have done, but I've not had much success getting them to come on demand - particularly since using the phone is hard for me, and taxi drivers as a class are notorious for having accents from distant shores.

This morning, it occurred to me that I had never tried *texting* a taxi driver to arrange a pickup. It is, after all, a cell phone, and most these days are text enabled almost by default, whether the person cares to use it or not. Since I have an actual standing appointment for my CT scan tomorrow, (the same one the JYG caused me to reschedule from last week), I decided that the very worst thing I could get from trying was nothing, so I texted "Debra" (if I'm reading the scribble on her card right), to ask if she could accommodate my appointment, with appropriate details included.

To my happy surprise, she responded with one word - Yes. Two exchanges later (both "Yes" - Debra either doesn't text a lot, or is being reasonably prudent while driving ), and it's a done deal! Of course, I'll have to see the follow-through tomorrow (I'll be sending a reminder), and I know this won't work for me every time, as taxi drivers have lives and schedules too, but to the extent it does work, it's pretty neat to have a taxi in your back pocket!

- LifeWrecked

Deaf and Dizzy meets Dumb - Life Frustrations Amplified

Here I am, back at my workplace, gradually getting less than mad as hell at no one in particular (Yellow Cab in general). Life was frustrating sometimes even when I could hear, and drive - now that I've landed myself outside of both of those option sets, my frustrations seem to be amplified, partly by my own denial - trying to act independent and competent in a driving, hearing culture.

The frustration today? I was *finally* scheduled to have my CT scan so my doc could get on with the process of diagnosing me so that maybe soon I can actually qualify for some of the assistance that I need. So it's a 20 minute cab ride from my office location, and I give "Yellow" an hour and a half lead - speaking to their dispatcher boldly and proudly through Sprint Relay. All set - 5 to 15 minutes, I'll be on the street...

Now yours truly is no stranger to taxicabs, busses, etc. - if there's one thing I'm an expert at, it's waiting on the street for same. Now I'm sure you can guess what happened (or more correctly, didn't happen). Mind you, the logic of calling Yellow back, and begging, didn't escape me, but consider my dilemma as my deadline approaches. I can't talk to them on the cell phone, I'll need Sprint again - and God help me if I go back inside to hook up, only to find my cab came while I was spending the 10 or 15 minutes it takes to get through a relay session with a taxi dispatcher (and that's if you *don't* have a problem). So I decided that my only realistic plan was to continue waiting until the last possible moment, and give up. So I waited, it was, and I did. Fortunately the folks at UC Davis (where my CT was scheduled) were the understanding sort, and they happily re-scheduled me for the 4th of January. Not bad, I can live with that.

NOW, my plan on January 4th :-) - I'm going to give Yellow a 3 hour lead, and see if they can handle that! Yeah, it sucks, and I miss work, and all that, but what is one to do when the monopoly (here in Sacramento) that is Yellow Cab can't serve me - for any price? There's probably a bus that goes (LOL) - and it's probably more reliable (this wasn't my first, nor my most costly issue with the Jolly Yellow Giant). My existential gripe today is about the daily grind - just trying to get through what should be the routine stuff of life - and my (sad looking, I suppose) refusal to wear the "disabled" label on my shirtsleeve. Ugh!

Since I'm on a grumbling roll, I might as well toss in the fact (explained in great detail, very clearly and slowly, on my home answering machine), that I can only be helped by the California Dept of Rehab if I *don't* have a job. So what I need to do now is take lots of these 5 hour excursions to 1/2 hour appointments in the middle of working days, so my employer will fire me, and then I can wave my disabled/unemployed flag and shout "no-fair! pay up!"

I hate it when I get cynical, but there it is. Ugly, but it keeps me entertained.

Thanks for "listening" ;)

LifeWrecked - Out.

Company Holiday Party - Bah Humbug!

Warning: Disgusting display of narcissistic whining and self-pity ahead. Not recommended for the overly cheerful.

I fully expect a visitation from Marley's ghost (not Bob, the reggae artist - the Dickens character), and probably all three of his sidekicks, TGOCPst, TGOCPrs, and TGOCFut tonight, or some night between now and the Winter Solstice. They will no doubt have much to teach me about humility in the face of enforced social isolation. I hope they have strong, distinct voices, speak slowly, face me when speaking, and don't cover their ghostly lips.

Today we had the scaled-down version (from recent years) of our annual "holiday party" at my workplace. Scaled down for two reasons: WE (employees) are scaled down (our numbers have dwindled remarkably in the past year); and the giant multinational that owns us had decreed that all holiday parties henceforth shall not be held in any fun place, like a nice restaurant, a hotel bar, or a touristy apple farm in the foothills (all places our parties have been conducted in the past). In other words, no fun allowed.

This one was held where all our in-house gigs are held - a double-size (split partition) conference room, of the nice, modern, well-equipped, socially sterile variety. Credit to our local admin staff - they did have it catered, and the food was delightful. I'm sure I would have had a great time, had I been fully present, but of course, I wasn't, and didn't, though I tried very hard to keep reminding myself that I enjoy the company of my co-workers (perfectly true), despite not being able to understand a word they say.

Adult-onset Deafness is a silent killer - of spirits. I wanted so bad to relax and enjoy the camaraderie and laughter (all in plentiful supply). All I could do today was sit and smile. I felt cheated - not by my friends, but by this awful prison sentence of silence. Even though I can hear that people are talking, my discernment, at the moment is very near zero for normal speech. Sure, I can goad the people nearest me to help me out, and often will, but it’s still not at all like a normal, spontaneous group conversation. That's what I miss most - the freedom to catch someone's off the cuff remark, or follow a long-winded gag. Those freedoms have vanished for me. And yes, I'll be in the HA (hearing aid) crowd soon, but first I need to collect enough funds (state funding? - *please don't ask* - "You have a job, and we only help..."), and also let my doctors prove (CT scan coming) that I'm not in worse trouble than we think, and/or am curable.

It's in times like this that I know I need to count my blessings, so the first thing I'm thankful for is that I actually am able to consider it. I know some of us aren't. Part of my counting actually can start in that selfsame workplace - I do have many wonderful colleagues who go to great lengths to work with my hearing issues, and have plenty of compassion and understanding. I also have a bevy of the most awesome online friends (SWCers, that's you!) who totally understand what I'm feeling (and worse) from their own experiences. One of my major sanity anchors, right there. My family, who I've recently re-connected with after a long hiatus (future post, probably) is also very understanding and patient, and I know not everyone in my position gets that either. So, we see, I'm not really as socially isolated as I think, and the only thing that can make me lonely is the same thing it ever was (hearing or not) - I have to be willing to stretch myself socially (I'm an introvert by nature). In other words, welcome, Paul, to your own, personal - yet shared - version of humanity. We all get our turn, one way or another. I'm glad I have so many friends who'll listen when I take mine.

A happy and healthy holiday season to all!!!

[Note to Marley: Forget the chains - their message will fall on deaf ears ;)]